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Deceived by Desire

And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired…she took of the fruit thereof…” (Genesis chapter 3, verse 6)

Desires are a normal part of human existence. The problem is sometimes it quickly morphs into demand. Carolyn McCully says that demand is us closing our fist over the desire.

Desire

Desire, she says, “leads to demand, which re labels itself as a “need” and leads to expectation of fulfilment.” We make ourselves, hear things, and see signs, and make decisions that are not led by the Holy Spirit.

Like Eve we sit and stare at the fruit. It looks desirable, good for company, able to make us feel special and will be there for us and, like Eve, we succumb to the deception and take of the fruit. We doubt God’s goodwill for us and lay aside His commands. There is no possible way that what we see in front of us is not from God. Us not stepping out must be fear.

Scarier still is that we hide our desires ever so deftly behind spiritual confabulation. “God said.” “I believe God is leading”. This traps your friends into silence because who wants to be the Pharisee that says you haven’t heard from God.

Deception

I first met him where puppy dog dreams began – youth summer camp. He was outgoing and sporty. I didn’t think he would ever like a girl like me, so I put feelings aside and enjoyed a friendship.

We soon lost touch but somewhere between gumbo and mid year’s, in college we reconnected. Old friends bonded by similar culture and a love for the Lord, we enjoyed our frequent chats on the phone. Separated by state lines our conversations started out infrequent but eventually became staple part of our lives. My friends began to question but we just enjoyed our interactions with no pressures and what-ifs.

I don’t remember why I decided to pray about us. It probably seemed like the natural progression in the whole scheme of things. He was attractive and fit a lot of what I wanted in a mate, so I prayed. In my heart I sensed it clearly “no.” My quick disappointment faded. I was used to hearing God say no, and we were not entangled with romantic gestures, so I continued the normalcy of our friendship.

Deceived

Then he called. I can’t recall anything prior to his concerned voice on the other end of the line. As he prayed the Spirit ministered to my heart with such delicacy and fervour that I could not help but become overwhelmed. It was a short to the point call. He ended it after he said amen. I sat in my room in awe of the moment and then it happened.

As I laid in my bed praying the thought “this is the guy for you”, played deftly through the corridors of my mind. It didn’t sit right with me at first, because of the “no” previously impressed on my heart by God. I pushed it out of my mind yet it played again, questioning why God would not give me a good thing. I thought more on it, and although I had my misgivings my desires beckoned louder.

Truth got pushed further away the more I looked at what I desired. He was a godly man, good to me and was able to help me grow in the Lord.

A way out

The Bible explains in James that it is our lusts that draw us away. In order to escape the depravity that is our sinful nature the following principles from Scripture are helpful.

1. Spend more time with God.

Where was Eve as the deception occurred? The more time I spent talking with this guy, talking about this guy, thinking about talking to this guy the more my desire increased. There is this constant training in godliness where we daily let go of our desires and put God in His rightful place as we spend time with Him.

2. Hold your thoughts and desires alongside scriptures

Adam Marby in article How not be led by the Spirit, states “Attempting to follow the Spirit’s leading without the Bible is foolish at best and sinful at worst… It’s entirely possible that someone had a profound spiritual experience that led him or her to no longer trust the Bible. That’s deception. The Spirit himself tells us we’re to expect such deception (2 Corinthians chapter 11 verse 14). The Spirit wrote a book, so being led by him starts there.” If what you believe you are to do does not line up with scripture and its principles, you are being deceived.

3. Get counselling

A sure-fire way to not walk with the Spirit is to try to walk by yourself. The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel. (Proverbs chapter 12, verse 15). Throughout the Scripture we see evidence that in order to live a Spirit-filled life it is important that we are being led into and among his people. “God—at the infinite cost of his life—has given us not just a spiritual relationship with himself, but also with each other.” Adam Marby

As Adam Marby states, “Sin is deceptive, and our desires even more so. So, in order to guard ourselves let us spend time listening to his Word, his people, his wisdom, and his ways.” Doing this will increase the ease of being led by the Spirit. If not, it’s open season for deception

Relationship Advice – Overload

“Happy New….Marriage!”

Having seen about five people get engaged in the space of the two weeks of holiday I am ecstatic. Relationships are a beautiful blessing from God. I scrolled timelines and read posts of congratulations and well- wishes grateful to be a part of this new season in my friends life.  There was another part of this, however, it was the discussions with friends on status and everyone has something to say.

Everybody is a relationship guru! 100 Ways to Determine the Right One. Five Hundred Reasons why you are Still Single. Ten Sure Ways to Develop Yourself as the Proverbs 31 Woman.

Being no stranger to the blogs, vlogs, and maybe a cassette tape or two (I am so old), I can assure you  I had my fill of opinions. From books to panel discussions people stated their claim on what makes a person a possible mate and how to make this possible mate attracted to you.

I first read because I wanted to understand. I wanted insight into how this whole thing worked. I wish I could say, that as a believer, I read only godly input on this thing, but that is sadly not the case. The top ten ways to make a guy melt was mixed right in with the how to be gentle and meek. I wanted to know wow him and work him. It was a sad state.

Then there was reading because I wanted to know what to look for. Christians spoke of getting divorced because they supposedly missed God which had me worried. I didn’t want to miss anything and certainly not the right spouse. So to make sure I didn’t miss God or Mr. Him I again read and asked and patrolled blogs and magazines of all sorts.

To this desire there was no end of advice. Make a list  and check it twice.. (wait that’s for Christmas). Date to get to know what you like – like some how there was a need to try on guys like they were high fashion clothing that I fancied. Fast, consult leaders, know his goals, have a game plan, and those were the “good” things. Meeting and marrying “the one” turned into a stratagem.

“Don’t allow your emotions to negate God’s abilities”

Eventually, I began to resent the whole thing. I got tired of the process. For me, and many others all of this was to help distract from the longing. It was a fledgling attempt at trying to make sense of why one was still single. Though in some instances gathering all this information was to hone in on God’s way and will for our lives some of the motives got lost in transit and  we used these words of wisdom and to help us feel better about our state of being and help God along. But God is able to guide us into the best pathway for our lives. (Psalm 32:8)

 Don’t get me wrong I do believe that God has blessed many people with wisdom on topics that will help guide, encourage and restore people. Trust me the irony of advising you to not take on too much advice is not lost on me. What I am attempting to get across here is that in the searching let it become more important to be a woman after God’s heart than getting the right man. Get to the place where the word of God becomes your ‘How to’  for living and loving.

In reading the Bible I realize that just following how to live for Him and how to love like Him answered all the questions for dating, marriage and beyond. I realized I don’t need a panel discussion on why church men take long, to help me realize my wait has nothing to do with guys and everything to do with God’s timing.

Solomon so wisely said,

“The words of the wise are like cattle prods—painful but helpful. Their collected sayings are like a nail-studded stick with which a shepherd drives the sheep.

But, my child, let me give you some further advice: Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out.

That’s the whole story. Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey His commands, for this is everyone’s duty.” Ecclesiastes 12:9 (NLT)

I didn’t need long talks over grape juice (or Martinelli) to determine that it was my desires that sometimes became God. My desire became demand which became expectation which when unmet caused disappointment. It wasn’t mindless men, but wayward wants. I needed to submit again my desires to my Almighty King and rejoice in the blessing of redemption and the beauty of His sacrificial love. I didn’t need to read more I needed to fear God and obey His commandments.

I submit to you ladies that learning to be more like Christ is what we need. Set your mind on things above so that the Lover of your soul is your guide and your contentment is in Him. Happy New..Satisfied Saint.

 

 

Thankful for the Tears

A year ago at a beach trip a young man was asked which Bible character would he want to meet and why? The young man did not miss a beat in his reply as he stated with a quiet conviction – Job. His reason clung in the air with all gravity and held the listeners ‘I want to know if it still hurt after God gave him back what was lost.’

Loss, devastation, grief, pain- as a Christian these states are not avoidable realities, but eved present actualities. They were promised, they are part of the Christian stimulus package. The only demarcation between us and the world is that at the end of each trial if we endure we find that what we gain fills us with insurmountable gratitude and stronger faith if we submit to the process.

I was reminded of this truth one evening as I sat in a Bible study and listened to a man of God describe the pain from the loss of his first child. He described how surreal it was, the confusion of why it all happened and the hole in his heart at the time.

Following this was a gentleman who spoke candidly of being stripped of everything – money, relationships, job, and status being so low that he didn’t know when His next meal would be.

As I looked around at these faces what stood out to me was that what I saw was not sadness, or depression. What I saw was quite the opposite. These faces  had joy, peace and hope. I sat in a room of persons rejoicing that God was by our side and faithful to His promises even in the midst of pain.  Even as they described hardships and heart ache they also were sharing about how God came through during those hard times and how grateful they were even for the pain. They were at the place where they understood that these trials were actually a testament of the goodness of God.

How?

In the trials we learn that God is loving. Loving, not because He kept us from every danger and disappointment, but loving in that He gave us the grace  to endure through each devastation. We see that He is faithful to use each of these heart wrenching devastating times for our benefit, bringing us closer to Him, instilling trust in Him and reinforcing our faith. But most of all we see that He is Sovereign, intentionally moving in each situation. 

In Russell Kelfer’s poem Wait from his book Wait: A Journey to Discovering the Heart of God, he pens this response from God explaining what we would lack if we didn’t go through tests.

If you don’t go through..

“You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint;

You’d not know the power I give to the faint;

You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;

You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there;

You’d not know the joy of resting in Me; When darkness and silence were all you could see.

You’d never experience that fullness of love

As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;

You’d know that I give and I save, for a start,

But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight,

The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked

Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.

You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that, ‘My grace is sufficient for thee.’”

It is because of our trials that we know our Father better. Though we are refined by fire, it makes us pure as gold. When gold, He continues the process as He cuts to bring shape and definition through the details.

Does it hurt? Yes! Do we cry? definitely! But as we endure by His grace, the Word and the support of body of Christ we come out at the end thankful for those tears.

Ghosts of Church Boys Past

You cannot stay where you are and go with God. Henry Blackaby

This morning I went to have my usual morning devotions and I felt led to get out one of my old journals and read. August 2008 was the start date of that journal so I read intrigued as of course here I am in 2016, approximately eight years later in the month of August. I figured it would be interesting but I was not prepared for the rollercoaster ride to epiphany that I was jumping on.

What I read had me go from feeling shocked, to dismayed, to disgusted and then militant. I read and saw how I allowed guy after guy to draw me from my secure place in God straight to despair, low self esteem and second guessing myself. I prayed for God to guide me but when He did I tried to keep them (the guy) and Him at the same time and eventually He was proven as right as the relationship went up in flames as they moved on to some other version of their ideal Christian woman. Then I sank. I sank into a death spiral of self loathing and sadness wanting to know why not me, who was she and what made her better, more beautiful or more qualified. Why did this look like 2016? Had I not learned?

Give your heart to Me

There is a poignant skit used to share the gospel at a street outreach event I was a part of on the east side of Houma Louisiana. In the skit this lighthearted, carefree girl danced and pranced and enjoyed her life. On the stage entered a guy who mimed his affection and eventually asked for her heart. The girl in the skit freely “opened her chest” and handed him her heart. To the audience and the young lady’s dismay he took her heart gave it a precursor once over then… stomped on it. The young lady was left in a crumpled heap crying on the ground as he left the stage all too pleased with his devious and detrimental act. As she lay on the ground wiping her tear streaked face she heard God whisper (from backstage) give Me your heart. She slowly got up and mustered all her strength threw it up to him (remember this was a play for children so it was all imaginary) and He dropped down a new and refreshed heart. Restored and at peace she began to skip happily around the stage her joy intact.

Like a bad rerun, on to the stage enters “boy” again. This time she is watchful of him but he offers her nice things and mimes the right words and asks back for her heart to which she slowly but surely gives it to him. He takes it and proceeds to play basketball with it decimating the young lady, laughing as he saunters of. Again the Lord prods her to give her heart to Him, she does and He lovingly and gently restores. The play continues with this same scenario and time after time her heart got shattered, dirty, and even annihilated (one actor pretended to hurl the heart in the air and shoot it). I remember the children on the street laughing at the goofiness on the stage, as the actors tried to explain the dangers of giving away your heart to others instead of to God .The problem was… and still is that in reality there are so many stomped on, played out hearts on the ground, one of them being mine. I was the girl in the play. I gave my heart away to the charismatic church boy, the silent contemplative leader, and the enthusiastic artist minister and every time God was there whispering give your heart to Me.

I will advise you…

At the beginning of my college career I read Proverbs 4:23-27 and highlighted it as my mantra.

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech.

Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you.

Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path.

Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.

I wish I could look back at my eighteen year old self and say yay girl, you did it… but I can’t. I flung open the hedges of my heart, I looked away from Jesus and made attention and approvals deter me. I got sidetracked over and over again from my purpose and God’s voice because I would rather hear the lulling voice of the young man over the phone than to tell him this is not God’s will I must step away. I got caught in the web of he’s a Christian, he serves, this must be right and got left with empty arms, the cackle of voices saying I was there and they engaged only because they were lonely, and my favorite, “you will be a great girl for someone else one day”. I couldn’t blame God, because as His child and according to His promises, He did advise me and guide me. He did warn and admonish me to let go of each guy I turned to, but my heart was before them placed ever so delicately or shoved so unheedingly into their hands as I fool heartedly ignored His wisdom and relied on man instead.

See, I am doing a new thing

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing.”

It’s interesting a verse to ponder on as I write this. I am reading the book of Deuteronomy and the book opens with Moses relaying to the children of Israel the folly of their forefathers in choosing to not go to their promised land because it looked daunting. He gave them a play by play of the mishaps, wrong turns and warnings they received. Like a coach watching a game lost to a previous team to point out pitfalls and missed plays Moses places before them what they did wrong in order for them to do better.  It was time to enter the land promised, they are now having to fight yes but it was time to move, forget the former things, learn from the past and get on to a new thing.

I can’t help but see the parallel to my own life in this scenario. This reading of my journal from 2008 was my play by play. My re reading of history that is so strikingly similar in some aspects to 2016. I can’t and by God’s grace won’t be that girl anymore.  I have grown in some ways in this area but I know I have much more to growth to experience. I think back to a post on Facebook talking about August being the eighth month and expressing that eight is the number of new beginnings. Well, it’s that time. My journal entries from this August and the Augusts to come will be different. It’s time for me to not only have a new beginning but maintain what God has done. I encourage you women to do the same. Choose to guard your heart. Don’t spend so much time with the guy who hasn’t committed to you. Step away if you feel the prompting of the Holy Spirit even if on paper everything about him looks “right”. Choose to honour God with your heart and your time and let Him guide you safely to what is yours. Return to being in awe of your Creator and not get sidetracked by the shiny and the spiritual.  Learn from me and my trip down the ghost of church boys past. J

Death to Life

It’s dead,
But what you look at hides what you can’t see.
Because the person looking at you hides the cold carcass and debris.

It’s lost,
The little child that is inside.
The part that dreams of laughter and playing with barbie dolls outside.

It’s real,
But she has practiced fantasy and make believe.
Because truth is harder than fiction and ignoring it is her reprieve.

It’s subtle,
The memories vague but not forgotten.
A flurry of thoughts shoved to the back in hopes it that it will be forgotten.

It’s a maze
From what you see to what is.
So locking out the weak and fainthearted is easier than letting them in.

It’s true,
But no one can know..
Cuz the weight of that truth is heavier than the lies that have been told.

It lives
Ever present on the inside.
The shame and pain she tries to forget linked to the horror of those nights.

Relentless
The way He pursues the heart.
Jealously He comes to snatch from the grave and mend the broken heart.

He loves,
It’s powerful and strong.
And when there is no will to try His comfort keeps her holding on.

He does,
Take the pain away.
When others get tired of hearing it, He listens every day.

He lives
To show her there is a way.
That even when no one else knows her angst His peace is just a prayer away.

 

-photo credit @Stephaniereneeart

Mic Check 1, 2 (guest blogger-Tameika)

When I was in college I smoked a lot of weed. I felt like it made me GREAT. It flicked off the switch for the stairway to my soul, and I liked it. The minute I woke up I would get high. I went to work high. I couldn’t do anything until I was high. I would be upset, then I smoke a spliff (blunt) and would be at peace with the world.
But something happened and I couldn’t enjoy the high anymore. Though I still preferred the escape it provided, there was something trying to communicate with my conscience and initially I did not like it.
At first I thought I was just ‘trippin,’ or paranoid, but all of a sudden every time I was high  my conscience felt like it was amplified. I was more aware of what I was doing and who I was with. I started reflecting on my life in and why I was even where I was. At this point I was still in  darkness so I didn’t even know how to navigate myself to the switch I turned off in the first place.
Then one night when I was at a popular nightclub in Jamaica called Fiction something strange happened. I got all my friends together to attend this party. I used to LOVE to party and I knew a lot of people so I was always mixing friends and drinks at the same time.  I was in for a good time every weekend.
Before I got to Fiction of course, I had to get high. On my way there though, something didn’t feel right. When I walked inside my entire mouth went dry. My sight was blurry, my hearing was elevated it and it was hot. I felt like I was in hell. The music became very distasteful and looking around watching people grind on each other suddenly disgusted me. I had to leave.
At this point my friends were enraged. I had dragged them out of their house, stepped in the club for 20 minutes and now I wanted to leave. Clearly I lost a screw and needed to go find it. I pulled my best friend at the time outside and explained to her what was going on and begged her to shove her hands in my mouth to feel how dry it was. She thought I was crazy. At this point, even I thought I was clearly insane, but I had to leave immediately!
According to Dr. Peter Kreeft  “the very will of God  [is] speaking, however obscurely and whisperingly, however poorly heard, admitted, and heeded, in the depths of our souls..”
That night, the God of the universe was doing just that, speaking to my soul. He was opening my eyes to the truth of my sinful state.
When God created the first human He said “this is good.” However, since the entrance of sin, God has not been able to look down on His creation and say those same words again. None of us were good because of sin. It was because of this that God the Father sent His son Jesus Christ to give His life for the redemption of man providing us with the Holy Spirit so that in Him we can do the good works He has prepared for us.
Doing good comes only from God. Without Him I was clearly doing a terrible job at being good in the eyes of my Creator. But God wasn’t allowing me to stay there. He began to speak up in the loud din of noise that was my sinful, wayward life. My conscience became a podium and microphone and there was a guest speaker the Holy Spirit.
I couldn’t believe it. Holy cow, the God of the universe was talking to me! Live and Direct. Me! Why!? Because He loves me. Even while I was still sinning, smack dead in the middle of it feeling like I’m in hell, Christ loved me enough to begin to intervene and speak!
Eventually, I listened. I no longer tried to drown Him out attempting to keep my soul blocked off from the light of His wisdom. The loving call of the Holy Spirit drew me in and when I began to listen the reality of of my need for him hit hard. It sank so deep I felt a light came on.
I surrendered my life to Christ and the Holy Spirit went from being a guest speaker to the keynote. The Holy Spirit was now the resident on the inside of me, and when that happened, it brought light to my soul, and now I live a life constantly open to the admonition and direction of this Heavenly mouthpiece.
– by Tameika Smith

Look Inward

Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. That is the way the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority if their husbands. 1 Peter 3:3-5

I love fashion.  Cute shoes, stylish clothing, stunning accessories you name it I am there.  When I first heard the first section of these passages, it was in the form of a lecture by my father in attempt to curb my overarching desire to be a part of the fashion-forward elite, especially when the attire tended more towards the revealing. The product of these encounters was an exasperation and frustration with this verse as I couldn’t understand the disparity between my desire to look appealing and God’s instruction.

Initially, on the external I was living by the first part of this verse. My hairstyles weren’t that fancy, forget expensive jewelry and my parents were the ones who for the most part was instrumental in the purchasing of my clothing, so I had no choice but to look chaste and wholesome. But my heart rebelled. I wanted more and would sneakily borrow and eventually purchase items that I thought were trendy. I never once realized that my heart was what was in the wrong place. You see outside of my desire to look appealing was an underlying heart issue. I was focused on looking appealing instead of being appealing. No, I am not talking about some late night seductress I am talking about an embodiment of the type of temperament that all people can embrace regardless of one’s outward presentation.

What God desired was not a disregard for looking nice. He looked at His own creation and said it was good. He gave Solomon great, beautiful things. What my heavenly Father was after was a focus on being meek. A gentle and quiet spirit is the most attractive thing a woman can adorn themselves with. You know those women; they are so absolutely sweet and everyone wants to be around them. Their mannerisms are so affable and even their general tone is sweet-tempered.

In a society of women’s rights, independent women and single-mother homes such doctrine sounds flaccid and many may think I am making an attempt to shove women back a couple centuries but bear with me a minute and look at the type of woman the Word describes. In the book of Proverbs when the King Lemuel’s mother describes the type of woman her son should seek after she is anything but subservient and weak. On the contrary she is a hard-working ,diligent,  strong woman.

She rises while it is yet night and gets [spiritual] food for her household and assigns her maids their tasks. She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard.  She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] and makes her arms strong and firm. She tastes and sees that her gain from work [with and for God] is good; her lamp goes not out, but it burns on continually through the night [of trouble, privation, or sorrow, warning away fear, doubt, and distrust].  She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy [whether in body, mind, or spirit]. She fears not the snow for her family, for all her household are doubly clothed in scarlet. She makes for herself coverlets, cushions, and rugs of tapestry. Her clothing is of linen, pure and fine, and of purple [such as that of which the clothing of the priests and the hallowed cloths of the temple were made]

Proverbs 31:15-22

The woman the Bible describes is strong, intelligent, and prudent; the Lord values a strong woman.  God isn’t asking us to swap our amazing God-given talents in order to be gentle. He isn’t asking for mindless weaklings. What He is requiring of us is to have this strength under control. Regardless of our culture, family up-bringing, or level of influence the Lord is calling us to trust Him and accept authority. I hope you caught that instrumental part. We are trusting HIM, not others. The gentle spirit is precious to Him, and pleasing Him is so much more important than asserting our independence. I encourage you my sisters walk upright before the Lord. Seek after a gentle spirit, that type of beautification will always be well-liked, current, and in vogue.

Dear Woman

Dear Woman,
You are a military ally. Your influence is powerful. You are aunties and sisters mothers and friends. God saw YOU as a solution to the problem of man being alone. Dear woman you have been called to be a helper, but culture and translation has diluted the strength of your purpose as a tool for strengthening man. You were made to walk in alliance with him to aid in the bringing forth of the purpose of the Kingdom.
But sin has distorted you. The curse defiled you, and now you hate your men.   You declare them weak and you render them impotent. The hands that rock the cradle fills it with bitterness, and now we rule the world with false pride in our earthen vessels. Our babies suckle on our disappointments and nurture angry men who strive, and strike. Like Delilah you cut our men’s purpose and leave them vulnerable to the enemy of their souls.

You make giving respect oppressive, strip men of their God-given authority. You nag, complain and demand, and in an effort to assert yourselves you cackle and cajole in gatherings and groups and pick and snarl at their efforts and then you wonder why the shell of man retreats to his cave of sports, skirts and sidekicks. We call it women’s lib, and feminist movements yet our femininity has been infected by the sin of envy and our loss of purpose has muddied our eyes to the true nature of the gift we have.

Dear woman, you have influence and since the beginning of time the Liar has swindled you, confounded you and allowed you to hand over that power to him to direct our men away from the purpose in the Almighty. I ask you Dear Woman, look back at the wake of destruction behind you. The hurting man, the lost man, the brother, uncle, father, friend what have you done to help them? Has the strength of your words lifted them or destroyed them.  Has your arms held them up or dragged them to the cesspool of adulterous sheets?

Dear strong, industrious, powerful Woman there is a dual responsibility for the state of humanity. The true enemy in this war has infiltrated our ranks and like a confusion agent disconcerts and turns woman and against man and man against woman and we forget that like Esther we can save countries with our wisdom, we can protect our households from destruction like Abigail and like Deborah we can lay desolate the armies of our people with one strike.

Dear Woman, you are amazing, and insecurity only limits you. So gather your assets, take inventory of your inner resources and stand strong. Adorn yourself but with the potency of a gentle spirit and the resilience of a quiet character…

Elusive Attribute

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Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.

Proverbs 25:15

I am strong-willed. It’s a fact. I have heard it in a variety of ways and see it in my every day actions with my students, family and friends.  My strong-willed nature has been called, intimidating, stubborn, headstrong, and my favourite” the thing that makes me a leader”. The latter masks the maladaptive aspects of this trait I have, and make it seem completely positive, giving me all the reason I need to prize my brash, insensitive, demanding ways. It soothes my ego and helps me stay blinded to the reality that I Stacy-Ann Smith could use a massive dose of gentleness and patience (and possibly a muzzle, but that’s a whole other blog).

Gentleness; the antithesis to my very culture and nature as a Caribbean woman. This trait, this beautiful state of being, has acted like an elusive nirvana that seems unattainable when the bus, taxi, or any driver on the road cuts me off with no regard to my safety or the basic road code. It is the blissful yet difficult state of being that is incomprehensible when I KNOW (or I am at least sincerely convinced) that I am right in an argument and the other party is not conceding to my established brilliance.  Gentleness is like an intangible language that I am required to communicate in, AND UGHHHHH I have tried.

Unfortunately culture, family habits, and situational stupidity does not mitigate my responsibility to operate with grace. James says “But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and ..unwavering, without hypocrisy.” (James 3:17).  As a woman of God any wisdom I think I have should be characterized by gentleness Furthermore Paul says to PURSUE gentleness( run that thing down). And to prove that Paul was no hoax and not just trying to be all up in our Kool-Aid pointing fingers Paul then says ” [therefore] I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love.” (Eph. 4:1-2) Paul doesn’t demand we walk right. In this instance Paul does the opposite. He earnestly begs from a place of being submitted and sold out to the purpose of the Kingdom to treat every encounter with each other as chance to demonstrate our calling. If I desire to walk in a manner worthy of the call of a believer I am to operate with humility (get over myself), gentleness (say it nicer Stacy-Ann) and patience (cut out that attitude boo!).

I know Paul was no pansy, and he didn’t tolerate nonsense. But even he could identify the need to exhort and rebuke in love (I believe he tried really hard J). Gentleness is so powerful. It is a grace to be attained. Abigail quelled a war with it. Esther saved a nation with it. Mary moved Jesus with it. I want to be in the company of such great women, and break bones with my gentleness, well, you know what I mean…(pray for me).

Expiry Date

Many things have a set point, or date in which you might not get a valuable, healthy, or all in all good experience of once this set point has past.  For some things once this appointed time has passed you may even loose certain privileges, standings or freedoms.  You know some of these things – bread, milk, cheese – or the latter, a driver’s license or club membership.  Now, since I am approaching a supposed, societal, milestone I began to wonder if I too must check for this said date, based on the talk on the streets.

I mean I want to know if I have reached this date, and if I have I am hoping my date is likened more to a driver’s license or membership card than that of bread or cheese. I hope my access can be renewed and that I can stay viable because otherwise I must join in the frenzy and go along for the panic ride. I don’t want to be naive and think I should continue living life as a well functioning citizen of society. I mean maybe the others who have passed this date and are free from the insane asylum, or Banishment Island have found a glitch in the matrix. To think I am fine could be mere folly on my part, and that I do not support. I too want to be wise and watchful. I must check my expiry date.

I must know why the lady who I sit with for dinner is appalled that I want to put off on my PhD studies for later and enjoy my job now. I want to access her keen percipience that states that doing this would only delay my procurement. I must check my dates because the relatives are beginning to whisper and goodness if I don’t renew quickly my benefits will significantly diminish and I will be excommunicated from the club. But most importantly I must check these dates because even louder than the talk on the streets is the comical banter of my wit that seeks to provoke ridiculous thoughts of set times and deadlines that have no scope on this juncture of my life.

Because if these dates, these expiry dates, these best before deadlines do exist then my faith is a farce and my God has failed me.  Trusting in Him as the author of time was futile and I had no business believing  that …He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. And He is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything He might be preeminent[1] I should just phone in and ask for a recall.

Or….maybe….maybe I shouldn’t check, but keep in check every futile thought that sets itself up against the knowledge of God[2].  I should banish these suppositions because he checks every pretext and His dates are all in order. Which means I can say goodbye to worry, and farewell to these other date-checkers, because my God’s plans for me are set, and I haven’t expired yet.

[1] Colossians 1:17-18

[2] 2 Corinthians 10:5