Relationship Advice – Overload

“Happy New….Marriage!”

Having seen about five people get engaged in the space of the two weeks of holiday I am ecstatic. Relationships are a beautiful blessing from God. I scrolled timelines and read posts of congratulations and well- wishes grateful to be a part of this new season in my friends life.  There was another part of this, however, it was the discussions with friends on status and everyone has something to say.

Everybody is a relationship guru! 100 Ways to Determine the Right One. Five Hundred Reasons why you are Still Single. Ten Sure Ways to Develop Yourself as the Proverbs 31 Woman.

Being no stranger to the blogs, vlogs, and maybe a cassette tape or two (I am so old), I can assure you  I had my fill of opinions. From books to panel discussions people stated their claim on what makes a person a possible mate and how to make this possible mate attracted to you.

I first read because I wanted to understand. I wanted insight into how this whole thing worked. I wish I could say, that as a believer, I read only godly input on this thing, but that is sadly not the case. The top ten ways to make a guy melt was mixed right in with the how to be gentle and meek. I wanted to know wow him and work him. It was a sad state.

Then there was reading because I wanted to know what to look for. Christians spoke of getting divorced because they supposedly missed God which had me worried. I didn’t want to miss anything and certainly not the right spouse. So to make sure I didn’t miss God or Mr. Him I again read and asked and patrolled blogs and magazines of all sorts.

To this desire there was no end of advice. Make a list  and check it twice.. (wait that’s for Christmas). Date to get to know what you like – like some how there was a need to try on guys like they were high fashion clothing that I fancied. Fast, consult leaders, know his goals, have a game plan, and those were the “good” things. Meeting and marrying “the one” turned into a stratagem.

“Don’t allow your emotions to negate God’s abilities”

Eventually, I began to resent the whole thing. I got tired of the process. For me, and many others all of this was to help distract from the longing. It was a fledgling attempt at trying to make sense of why one was still single. Though in some instances gathering all this information was to hone in on God’s way and will for our lives some of the motives got lost in transit and  we used these words of wisdom and to help us feel better about our state of being and help God along. But God is able to guide us into the best pathway for our lives. (Psalm 32:8)

 Don’t get me wrong I do believe that God has blessed many people with wisdom on topics that will help guide, encourage and restore people. Trust me the irony of advising you to not take on too much advice is not lost on me. What I am attempting to get across here is that in the searching let it become more important to be a woman after God’s heart than getting the right man. Get to the place where the word of God becomes your ‘How to’  for living and loving.

In reading the Bible I realize that just following how to live for Him and how to love like Him answered all the questions for dating, marriage and beyond. I realized I don’t need a panel discussion on why church men take long, to help me realize my wait has nothing to do with guys and everything to do with God’s timing.

Solomon so wisely said,

“The words of the wise are like cattle prods—painful but helpful. Their collected sayings are like a nail-studded stick with which a shepherd drives the sheep.

But, my child, let me give you some further advice: Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out.

That’s the whole story. Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey His commands, for this is everyone’s duty.” Ecclesiastes 12:9 (NLT)

I didn’t need long talks over grape juice (or Martinelli) to determine that it was my desires that sometimes became God. My desire became demand which became expectation which when unmet caused disappointment. It wasn’t mindless men, but wayward wants. I needed to submit again my desires to my Almighty King and rejoice in the blessing of redemption and the beauty of His sacrificial love. I didn’t need to read more I needed to fear God and obey His commandments.

I submit to you ladies that learning to be more like Christ is what we need. Set your mind on things above so that the Lover of your soul is your guide and your contentment is in Him. Happy New..Satisfied Saint.

 

 

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